Adoption Decree!

Right before Thanksgiving, we got an unexpected surprise...our adoption decree!

What does that mean?

Well, we received a document that has Maykervens Jacques Hilger's name on it!  Woohoo!

It is starting to feel real, like it really might happen, like he is really going to be here soon!

When I say soon, I mean months from now, but, hey, who is counting when you have been waiting over two years?

We have to go through MOI - Ministry of Interiors.  Maybe 2 months?

We have to get our passport printed.  Maybe 1 month?

And then our file gets submitted to the U.S. Embassy in Haiti for approval and a Visa.  Maybe 1 month?

Best case scenario, he will be here in 4-5 months.  I probably should not get my hopes up for that time frame.  But I just can't help myself.

This picture was taken yesterday from the orphanage.  Some families are there on a family bonding trip, and they sent this to me.   So good to see his beautiful face!  And as always, he is right next to his best girl Dalanka!

My mom and I will travel to Haiti in January for one of these bonding trips.  So excited to see that boy!

Photo Shoot

A good friend of mine took some pictures of our kids.  Angela Mininger with Minishots Photography.  She is AWESOME!  Anyway, I was trying hard to get the ideal picture of each child to blow up to a 20x24 canvas for our newly remodeled great room.  She snapped a great one of Kervens while we were in Haiti together in October.  And she captured the other three pretty well during our photo shoot at the Cravens' House.  So, now I have these four (large) beautiful faces staring at me every day from our Great Room.  There is nothing I would enjoy looking at more.

Double Digits!

That's right.  Our boy is 10.  Hard to believe we are old enough to have a young man in double digits!  We are so proud of you, Jackson.  Your "people skills" are off the charts for a 10 year old!  We love your tender heart, your extreme energy, your excitement about any human being in your midst, your way with young children and babies, your super duper math brain, your silly dance moves, your athletic ability, your sense of humor, and your love for the Lord.  Happy Birthday!

Our young man

Who knew a 10 year old boy could be so excited about pink socks????
Breast Cancer Awareness?  Still not sure how I feel about him wearing these.  Hmm.

The build up....

The suspense is killing us...

Oh my, an airsoft gun!

Neither of them can believe it!

Complete delight.

Da Boyz

Still Waiting....

We just got back from another trip to see Kervens.  It was a really special trip as we were able to take Jackson with us this time!  He was absolutely amazing from start to finish.  I honestly had the following thoughts while down there with him, "Lord, do you have missions in mind for Jackson?  Because he seems to be made for this kind of thing."  He was completely joyful through the entire trip.  We were three full days into our trip before he spoke his first word of complaint.  He was gracious with the nannies as they hugged and kissed him.  He courageously tried the food each day that was served to us.  He took initiative with kids of all ages around the orphanage.  He taught the older boys some serious video games.  He brought me to tears a few times as I watched him from a distance.  Stellar.  He rose up from a boy to a young man in my book that week.  Impressive.

Eddy, Jackson, and I went with a team of 12 people down to Maison to help out, build things, repair things, and hold babies.  Of course, Kervens and I were inseparable, although he did stray away from me for just a bit when daddy brought out the wheel barrow!  He had so much fun riding in it!  Our team was amazing, and we got a ton accomplished (since that is what we Americans like to quantify on these short term missions trips, right?).  =)

But let me just say, "I WANT KERVENS TO COME HOME!"

I am having a lot of what I affectionately call "bad Kervens days".  The days when I feel like I can't breathe.  The days when I can't stop crying.  The days when I feel like a bad mom to the three beautiful faces standing right in front of me.  The days when I feel like a bad wife because I am consumed with thoughts of getting my Haitian child home.

It. is. all. consuming. some. days.

But then those days pass.  And for whatever reason, call it God's grace, I can breathe again.  And I move on.  I begin enjoying the three children in front of me.  I can think about others.  I can serve others. I can smile without it being a completely faked contortion of my face.

I know that once this chapter of the waiting journey is over, the new trials will inevitably begin.  I say...

BRING THEM ON!

Our papers are stuck in Parquet.  Don't know why.  Did not expect them to stay in this stage for this long (of course).  When will I just stop having expectations?  You would think I would have learned by now.

We are waiting to get through Parquet so we can receive our adoption decree.  This decree will give Kervens our last name and prepare his documents to go into MOI, then passports.  Still a long way off it seems.  My March-hopeful-timeframe is slowly slipping from my grasp.

Please Lord, do not let him spend another birthday in Haiti!  May 9th he turns 4.

The brothers, playing together the first night in the hotel room.

Jackson is just thrilled to be in Haiti!

Jackson could make Kervens laugh harder than anyone!

Kervens loved listening to Jackson's music!

Almost a family pic.

Oh those eyes.

Kervens loves to swing - in Creole, "balancing".

Jackson spent a day up in the school room with the kids.  Funny that he CHOSE to do school.

Kervens' little friend Dalanka.  

Another little buddy, Lens.

Medjinah... Oh, this girl has a special place in my heart!  We need to find her a family - close by!

Riding in the wheel barrow with daddy.

Eddy showing his soccer skills with one of the workers at the orphanage.

Medjinah and Jolanda - beautiful sisters.  They need a precious home to be loved!

Trying to teach Kervens some soccer skills.  He is not interested.  At all.  

This is what makes this journey worth it.  

 

Happy Birthday Kenzie!

Kenzie, you are such a blessing to this family!  I don't know what I would do without my girl.  I can't believe you are 8 years old!!  We all love you very much.  Here are the top eight reasons that we love you:

1. You are such a willing helper to mommy.  You look for ways to serve us all.

2.  You love to be in charge.  You definitely know how to TAKE charge.

3.  You love music.  You have brought music into our home when we would normally not have sweet melodies being sung or played.

4.  You are amazing with animals.

5.  You ask really hard, really deep questions about God and Jesus.  You keep us all on our toes.

6. You are the perfect blend of "girlie girl" and tomboy.  I love that you can wear a "blingy" skirt and then dig in the dirt and pet stinky animals in that same skirt.

7.  You love to snuggle and have your back rubbed.

8.  You have a really tender heart towards Jesus.

We love you, Kenzie!  Happy Birthday sweet girl!!

IBESR APPROVAL!

It is with outrageous joy that we share that we received our IBESR approval last Friday!  We still can't believe it!  This approval came as a complete surprise, as I had steadied myself for another 7 months of waiting.  Because we have three biological children, and therefore do not meet the Haitian adoption law of no biological children, we had to wait on a Presidential dispensation (President Martelly had to sign our dossier).  I was anticipating this would take a full year to complete.  But our dossier went into IBESR in December and came out in July.  Not bad.  I guess it all depends on your expectations.

I was kind of wondering what God was up to.  On July 20th, I had two different friends call or email and say that they were praying for us and for Kervens.  One of these friends posted a prayer for Kervens on her blog that brought me to tears.  And the other friend just called out of the blue to say she was praying.  And right after both of those interactions, on the same morning, I met a lady at our curriculum fair (who was here from Cincinnati managing the Answers In Genesis booth), who was so interested in our adoption story.  She listened with tears in her eyes.  Then she just grabbed me and prayed over me right there at her booth, with all kinds of people shopping around us... and both of us crying.  And lastly, on July 27th (the day we got "the call") I was able to spend some time with my friend, Sasha, who has adopted three times now.  She was such an encouragement to me.  And she, too, prayed for me right in the middle of a public pool, with all kinds of kids running around screaming and playing.  It was an hour later that....

....we got the call.  When I got back from the pool, I checked my phone to see that our social worker left us a message, saying she had some big news to share with us.  As I listened to the message, I began to shake and fight tears.  I couldn't think of any other reason she would call and tell us that we had some big news.  For about 10 minutes I could not get ahold of her.  In those 10 minutes, I kept trying to calm myself in case it was not what I hoped.  But finally, she called back.  She told us the astounding news, that we had exited IBESR!  The black hole of Haitian adoption, with no timeframe what-so-ever!  We are out!!  She congratulated us, and then we hung up.

What happened next is hard for me to describe.  It still brings tears to my eyes as I think about it a week later.  I fell on the bed after hanging up with her, and I began to sob.  No... WAIL!  I could not control the intensity with which the tears flowed.  It was the most passionate moment of worship I have yet to experience.  I have never been so grateful in all of my life.  I mean that.  I have never had to long for something, pray for something, wait for something like this.  Ever.

And Kervens, when you read this some day as an adult, I want you to know how much we longed for you, prayed for you, waited for you.  You were not some random addition to our lives.  We felt the anticipation of you as much as any child knit together in my womb.  Maybe even more.  We feel so strongly that you were created to be in our family.  No, it is not a perfect scenario.  No mama should ever have to give her child to an orphanage in order to keep them alive.  But we are grateful for the opportunity to share our lives with you, to celebrate your life day by day, and to watch you grow into the man God ordained for you to be.

And that is what this feels like now... an actual pregnancy, with a due date.  It feels real.  I am finally beginning to think about a timeframe.  Like... maybe he will be here BEFORE his 4th birthday on May 9th!  That is roughly the timeframe we are expecting based on families that have gone before us.

In order to finalize our adoption of Kervens, we have the following 4 steps to accomplish in Haiti:

Parquet - a series of steps to receive an adoption decree

MOI - a series of steps to prepare for passports

Passport - Haiti must issue Kervens his passport to allow him to leave the country

Visa - the U.S. must issue him a visa that allows him to be accepted into our country

HOME!  Oh, what a glorious day that will be!

Broken...

Broken.  It's all broken.

Broken lives.

Broken homes.

Broken relationships.

Broken government.

Broken adoption process.

Broken children.

Broken cars.

Broken bodies.

Broken.

It's all broken...in Haiti.

As I lay in bed one night, watching Kervens breathe deeply, the hum of the air conditioner was lulling me to sleep.  I was trying to pray, but all I could muster were these words, "Lord, it is all so broken.  Everything.  It seems like evil is winning over here in Haiti.  What do you say about all this, Lord?"

Silence.

More silence.

I repeated my request.  "What do you say about all this brokenness, Lord?"

Silence.

I looked up onto the ceiling above me.  There, as clear as day, was the shadow of a cross...except the horizontal bar going across was slightly broken, slanted at an angle.

The answer to my question pierced my heart..."That is why I came.  For the broken."

That's it?  That is the answer?  There must be more!

Again.  "That is why I came.  For the broken."

Funny thing is... I wanted more.  I wanted a "better" answer.  What could possibly be better than someone's sacrificial death that defeated evil for all of eternity?  How could I possibly want more?

But I did.  I realized just then what little value I place on the cross of Jesus Christ.  Such little value.

And then it hit me.   The brokenness is not just present in Haiti.  We are broken here in America.  Horribly broken.  We just cover up our brokenness with some very "pretty" things.

The answer still remains.  "That is why I came.  For the broken."

I am trying to accept that this is enough.  For me.  For Haiti.

Chicken Pox...

Well, blogging from Haiti can be VERY frustrating.  On the second or third night we were there, I wrote out a long blog and posted some pictures.  But after I hit the send button, it was clear that my post got lost in the oblivion of cyberspace.  SO FRUSTRATING!  So, I gave up.  Now, after getting home from two weeks in Haiti (yes, an extra week got tacked on due to Kervens coming down with the chicken pox the day before my scheduled departure), I will try to document my time there...for Kervens' sake.  I want him to know the details of how our family has fought for him, prayed for him, visited him, and loved him from a distance for sooo many months before getting to bring him home.

First of all, we still have no timeframe what-so-ever on bringing him home.  Our dossier requires a presidential signature, and there is absolutely no guess as to when that signature will come.  In the meantime, we have had this DNA test lingering now for seven months.  The birthfather has been summoned to come to PAP for a DNA test, but he says that he has a new job that will not allow him to make the long journey again.  I totally get that.  The man is trying to provide for himself and keep a job in a place where it is sometimes impossible to find work.

So, while I was at the hotel, I made a phonecall to the U.S. Embassy and discussed what our options are for getting this DNA test squared away.  Well, long story short, we found out that the DNA test is not necessarily a requirement.  We might just get to bypass this step... which will be amazing!  We are still waiting to hear the final verdict from an officer at the U.S. Embassy.

When we arrived at the PAP airport, our flight had been delayed and it was getting dark.  Kervens was not there to greet us as usual.  But Angie was gracious to call and request him to be sent over to the hotel.  I could not wait through the night to see him, especially when my sister and two neices were there with me...ready to meet him for the first time.  By the time Pierre brought him to the hotel, it was 9:00 PM. I knew Kervens would be tired and groggy, so I did not expect him to jump into my arms.  Well, as Pierre walked up to the steps where we all stood, Kervens was a bit dazed and looking around with caution.  As I walked into the light, he saw my face.  He immediately lunged for me and grabbed my neck, squeezing it so tight!  He did not let go for a long time.  Michelle, Haley, and Hanna Ray got to touch him for the first time.  It was precious.

As we went to get all of us settled in our hotel room, I brought out several of the same toys that I bring each time.  I try to build some familiarity with bringing the same toys and books each time.  It was so obvious that he remembered them.  He was all smiles within just a few minutes.  For being woken up from a deep sleep, thrown in a jeep in the dark, driven to a hotel, and given to someone he had not seen in four months, he was amazing!

He immediately went into Michelle's arms, which I was surprised to see.  Usually, he has a hard time going to anyone else when I am around.  He was resting in her arms, when I walked up.  He took a good, long stare at Michelle, and then back at me....as if to say, "Hey, you look just like that other lady that I call mama."  He seemed puzzled, but was content to stay with her.  For the rest of the week, he showed definite signs of progressing in good, healthy attachment to me.  But if I needed a break, he was happy and comfortable to go to Michelle.  He also loves Shelley.  He has been with her a couple of times on her trips to the orphanage, and he adores her.  He would willingly to go her as well.  What a gift that was!

The week continued with wonderful tasks our team accomplished at the orphanage.  The Hilger High School team was amazing.  I was so impressed with them.  Mango Tango!  Which is our code word to remind each other to be selfless.

As the week came to a close, I began to notice bumps on Kervens' head.  I did not think anything of it, until the next day...they became little white heads.  I quickly realized he had the chicken pox.  I got on the phone with Eddy and the kids, and we discussed our options.  I was anxious to get home to them, but I was feeling a strong pull to stay with Kervens and get him through this nasty virus.  As we skyped, I explained to the kids what chicken pox is.  Then I asked them if they thought I should stay with Kervens or come home.  My sweet daughter,  Kenzie (7), burst into tears and said, "I think you should stay with Kervens, but I just want you home!"  At that point, I broke down into tears as well.  Feeling a sense of loss no matter what I chose.

It was decided I would stay, and that Eddy would continue to hold down the fort with the kids for another week.  I had a great sense of peace that next morning as I saw the team drive away.  This was right.  I needed to be here in Haiti, with THIS son.

The next week was surprisingly peaceful and fun.  Aside from the first 24 hours of fever and lethargy, Kervens did not act much different.  He did not even itch that often, despite the amount of pox he had on his head, neck, back and stomach.  He had very few on his arms and legs.  But he must have a pretty high pain tolerance.  I mean, heck, he lives in a room with 15 other toddlers, who wouldn't develop a high pain tolerance?

Things at the orphanage looked good.  There is always room for improvement, but for the most part, it is a place of joy and the children's basic needs being met.

When it came time to leave, I was peaceful that it was time to go.  (Plus, the fact that Shelley would be there another 10 days certainly helped.  Kervens adores her, and he would feel very special for another 10 days.)  She and Kervens drove with me to the airport and waved good-bye happily as I walked into the airport.  I always have an interpreter explain to him where I am going and why he cannot come.  Who knows if it makes any difference in that little mind of his?... but it helps me, at least.

Here are some fun memories of our time together:
- meeting his aunt and cousins for the first time
- his fear of the water/pool just vanished, and he suddenly became a fish!
- his precious rendition of Jesus Loves Me This I Know, sung with GUSTO!
- learning the Itsy Bitsy Spider song, affectionately known to him as Issy Bissy Bissy Bissy
- watching him kick into the "show-off-ghetto-stud-mode" around his friends
- learning the Waves of Mercy song, which he picked up after just two or three rounds of singing (I think we may have a musical one on our hands)
- watching him chase a large lizard outside our hotel room and screaming, "Ale', Ale', Ale'!"  Then screaming like a girl and running for his life when the thing started coming after him.
- sleeping next to him each night, and being slapped with any and every body part during the night
- holding him during his bad fever time
- taking naps each afternoon together
- skyping with Eddy and the kids and seeing Kervens smile brightly each time Eddy came on
- watching the nannies love on and adore Kervens with kisses while we were at the orphanage
- squeezing him tightly and saying, "I love you."  Then being surprised by him returning the affection in the same way, saying, "I love you!"
- eating ramen noodles each night together
- seeing him wave good-bye to me with a smile on his face


He is ok.  He is growing in wisdom, in stature, and in favor with God and man.  That is all I can ask for in this less-than-perfect set up.  Dear God, get this boy home.

Maybe orthodontics is not in our future!  Check out those pearly whites!

Jumping rope for the big girls

Always something in his mouth...food, a toy, etc.

Michelle, in heaven, holding babies

Hanna Ray loved all the kids...and they loved her!

Rachel, Haley's friend, added so much comic relief.  I love this girl!

Haley fell in love with Felder, held him a lot!

Dalanka fell in love with Hanna Ray!

Kervens got to ride his first big wheel.  He loved it!

Happy 3rd Birthday, K-man.

He was reluctant to blow out the candle.  

He was reluctant to taste the cake.

But then he had NO TROUBLE pounding his entire piece of cake!

What a sweet heart this boy has.  

Opening presents...

Every three year old needs some Hot Wheels!

Kervens' buddy Jamesly got to spend some time at the hotel as well.

And Kervens' buddy Fritzner got to hang with us at the hotel as well.  

Kervens and Lens, battling the chicken pox together at the hotel.  They did not skip a beat!