It is hard to believe I can title this blog post with such fondness...I mean, this is Haiti we are talking about. There does not appear to be much about Haiti that is wonderful - at least the parts we have seen. But life at Maison Orphanage IS a wonderful world for those kids and nannies... especially when compared to life just outside the walls of the orphanage.
This was my third trip to the orphanage, and it was my favorite trip so far. We traveled with many of our close friends from the Lookout Mountain community this time, which certainly added to the delight of the trip.
Before we left, our community generously donated supplies for us to take to the orphanage. We filled 23 suitcases FULL of much needed supplies for the orphanage. They are in a state of urgency as far as finances go, so when teams come and bring this amount of supplies, it really helps! We had to leave behind at least 10 more suitcases that will be taken by another team from our area in July. What amazing generosity from the Lookout Mountain Community! Thank you!
Below is a excerpt from my journal while we were there.
June 11th - We got in the van at the airport and headed to the orphanage, about a 10-15 minute ride. Everything looked the same. Rubble everywhere. People everywhere. Pigs and goats rummaging through piles of trash. Crazy traffic with no laws. Horrible road conditions.
Then, we finally arrive. I got out of the van and ran down the hall to Kervens’ room. I don’t know if he was asleep, or almost asleep, but the nanny grabbed him up and handed him to me. He laid his head on my shoulder for several minutes. Eddy was talking to him while we cried. Mary and Angela had followed me down the hall, and they were crying, too. It was a sweet moment.
Then, we went out onto the front porch and rocked him. He immediately fell asleep in my arms. He woke up later that evening very groggy and solemn. Our team kept asking if this is how he normally acted. I said, “Oh no, you just wait.” =) He played with us on the front porch most of that evening. Though, he mostly just sat in my lap. He was still getting used to all of this.
June 12th - Did not sleep all that great tonight. Still having Christmas feelings inside. It is just so wonderful to be here with Kervens. The rest of the team went to church that morning, but a few of us stayed behind. I just wanted to be with K man. We hung out and ate snacks and looked at books and toys. He was so curious about all of it. And he is a hoarder! He loves to keep all his belongings together. I brought him a bag because I remembered that about him. He was constantly pulling his toys out to play with them, then putting them back in his bag.
It was a slow day. Not much going on around the orphanage. I think some of the team struggled with not knowing what to do or how to help. It was a different experience for me, too. It seemed like there was NO structure to the day.
When Kervens fell asleep on me that morning, I carried him back into his room to take his nap. I wanted him to continue to wake up to the familiar surrounding of the orphanage.
That afternoon, we celebrated Kervens’ birthday. We brought him presents to open, and he was very good at tearing into them. He loved each present and played with each one. His favorite was probably the balls and hammer toy where you hit the balls down into the hole. He loved doing that over and over.
June 13th - Today I started doing the teacher training. They have three great teachers at Maison: Filder, who teaches the upper school, Mardochee, who teaches the Kindergarten, and Frantz, who teaches the preschool. I would meet with them from 9-11 each morning. We talked about classroom discipline, schedules, objectives, curriculum, supplies they needed, etc. Each day was very productive, and the teachers were very eager to learn. And it worked out perfectly because that is when K would nap each morning. They wake the kids up at 5 every morning. So, he was ready for a nap around 9 AM. Then, he would take another nap around 3-4. Then, they would go to sleep around 8.
Once the kids were down this night, we took cold sodas and cookies to the nannies. They smiled and laughed and enjoyed the treat so much.
June 14th - Kervens was definitely showing signs of healthy attachment to me. When he would mistakenly hold onto another person’s leg, he would look up and realize it was not me and then quickly come over to my legs. On another occasion, he thought Shawn was me as she went walking to the tent. He took off running after her - over hot cement and rocks with no shoes. I chased him yelling his name but he would not listen. I caught up with him outside the tent door, but he was screaming and would not look at me. Finally, I picked him up and walked inside the tent. I pointed to Shawn, and he immediately stopped crying. Then he looked at me and realized I was his mama. He put his head on my shoulder and I kept telling him it was ok. He relaxed in my arms. I am sure it is hard to keep up with all these white women that look alike. =)
Kervens is so fun and playful and full of energy! But I got worn out by the middle of the day. I was exhausted. And I started feeling like I needed a break from Kervens. And I felt really guilty for feeling that! Right after I finally got him to sleep that afternoon, I broke down with Eddy. He comforted me and told me to go in and spend some time with the Lord. The rest of the team went for a drive around the city and to the market. So, I locked myself in the office and spent some time in prayer. My fears began to rise up. Such as...I am not a good mom. I am impatient. I get angry. I can’t even keep it together for 5 days with my son here in Haiti.
As I sat to read the Word, this is the passage I came upon.
“When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you. 2 When you are about to go into battle, the priest shall come forward and address the army. 3 He shall say: “Hear, Israel: Today you are going into battle against your enemies. Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not panic or be terrified by them. 4 For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.”
And that is exactly what I was feeling. Like I was in a battle. A battle against my sin - my anger, my impatience. I was fearful of the future with Kervens. I thought, “If I am already getting impatient with him after three days, I don’t deserve do adopt him.” I was panicking! I was afraid. And after reading that passage, I felt a sense of peace. It is the LORD GOD who is fighting for me. Through all of this adoption process, our God is fighting for us. And he continues to fight for me. His precious, angry, impatient daughter. =) It is HIS battle to fight. And I am so glad. I took a short nap and woke up feeling much better. K and I had a wonderful evening together - lots of fun and laughter.
That evening, Eddy stepped in and took Kervens while I showered. When I came out of the shower, he had Kervens in his room, laying on his mattress with him, trying to get him to fall asleep. They both fell asleep together. It was precious. And a much needed break for me.
June 15th - Drama Day! I finished the teacher training while Kervens was sleeping for his morning nap. As I was sitting on the porch, working with Filder, Fifi came up to me and said, “This is Kervens’ mama.” WHAT??? I had just been introduced to Kervens’ birthmom? Totally unannounced. Totally unprepared. I stood up to hug her.
She was a beautiful young woman, 21 years old. She had a soft face, but no smile was on it. She sat down and I began to talk with her, using Filder as the interpreter. I noticed how much Kervens looked like her. The first thing she said was, “This is very hard for me to give my son to an orphanage. I cannot keep him safe. I want him to have a good life.” I immediately began to sob. I HATED the fact that she had to give her son to a strange family like us in order to keep him alive. It just seemed so wrong.
We asked her lots of questions: How did you decide to bring K to the orphanage? He was very sick and going to die. I could not keep him healthy or safe in Cita Soleil. How did you choose this orphanage? I know Fifi. She is my sister in law. What is K’s father like? Kervens looks just like him. He has his same eyes. He is very tall and thin. What do you like to do for fun? I sell dishes to people for work. DO you have any parents and siblings? Both parents died when I was a child. I was raised by my sister and my aunt. I have three sisters and five brothers. What is your favorite color? red
Finally, I asked her if she would like to see Kervens? She said yes. I went to get him. He was asleep, so I brought him to her. As I walked on the porch, the first smile came on her face. She lit up when she saw her boy! He quietly sat in her lap. She pulled out a pack of crackers and a cookie. He slowly began to eat. She was very attentive to him. She kept cleaning off his face as he ate. She kissed him gently. I kept thinking...”This is not what I was expecting. She is a good mother. She would be a good mother to him if she could live in a place where she would not worry for his safety.” It was tragic to me. I cried as I watched them together. And I was so thankful that he was groggy from his nap, because I did not want him to leave her lap to come to me. She deserved this time with him. I let her have some space with him. Then later, she encouraged him to go play on the floor and color. So, he got down and began to play.
After a few minutes, Kervens’ perked up a bit and realized I was on the porch, so he came running over to me. I held him, then I sat down to show Kervens' birthmom some pictures I had taken of Kervens over the past several months. She loved seeing pictures of her son.
Then she had to leave. She started to walk away, and Kervens and I went to the gate to wave good-bye to her. He waved and smiled and she walked back in to hold his hand. It was a bitter sweet moment for all of us.
June 16th - Our last day. UUGH. I hate the feeling of having to leave him. I spent the morning with him until 10. He was as precious as ever. Then, he fell asleep in my arms and I held him until 11. I had to get ready to go, so I said my good-byes to him while he slept in my arms. I gently laid him down on his mattress and walked out...balling. I showered and packed, and before we got in the van, I went in to say good bye to his nannies. He began to stir and saw me in the room, so he clammored up off his mattress to get to me. Oh well, so much for a peaceful goodbye. I held him as we all prayed as a team. Then, Angie offered for him to ride with us to the airport. It was a treat for him to get to ride in the van. He loved looking at the cars and trucks on the road. As we left to go inside the airport, I gave him to Angie (the American missionary who works at Maison) and told him to have a fun ride in the van and to go have fun with his friends. He cried as I handed him off. My heart broke.
Now, we are home and I am strangely peaceful. My heart aches, but I am ok. I do cry when I talk about him, but I am not walking around unable to function (which has happened in the past). He is in good hands. They love him well there. He WILL make it until we can get him home. We are praying that will happen around Christmas.
Enjoy these beautiful faces...
