Behind the Scenes

There are a few tidbits of the Kervens story that I have not posted yet.  They are small, yet important to me, and hopefully, they will be important to Kervens one day as we unfold his story to him.  Some are humorous, some are deep.

February 18th - Eddy and I got off the phone that horrible morning that we received the call saying that Kervens father was coming to get him.  We sat there numb.  In a daze.  Then the tears began to flow.  The kids came over to ask us why we were crying.  So we told them, "Guys, it does not look like we are going to have the privilege of raising Kervens in our home after all.  His birth father wants to come get him and take him away.  He does not want us to adopt Kervens."  Kenzie immediately burst into tears and screamed, "But you told us daddy, you told me we could adopt Kervens!  Why?  Why daddy?  You lied to me."  Eddy just sat with her and held her.  And in his patient manner, he spoke up, "Kenzie, I did not intend to lie to you.  Sometimes things happen that are out of daddy's control.  I am so sorry I told you we could adopt him.  I am so sorry that we don't get to do that now.  Daddy is really sad, too."

Kenzie sat in his lap and cried for a few minutes.  Then she said, "Well, can we still adopt?"  I did not respond to her.  I wasn't sure of the answer.  Oh, I knew we COULD still adopt a child.  But I did not know if we WOULD adopt another child.  All along, I was not sure if Eddy was going through this process specifically for Kervens or because he felt we had been called to adopt.  Period.  Eddy finally answered her.  "Yes, honey, we can adopt another child.  We know we are supposed to adopt and we will just wait to see who the Lord has picked out for our family."

Funny...I, Carlee, the one who started all this talk of adoption, could not even speak those words yet.  My heart has been knit to Kervens and I could not think about any other child at the moment.  All of the doubts about this whole crazy process began to surface.  We all continued to weep.

Then through her tears, Kenzie raised her head and asked, "Well, then, are there any more black ones? I REALLY want a black one."

No kidding.  She said that.  We all burst into laughter.  We reassured her that they are ALL black in Kervens' orphanage.  With a sigh of relief, she said, "Oh, OK, GREAT!"  Then she bounded off to play.

February 19th - I did not sleep much the night before.  Partly due to the emotion of what lies ahead for me at the orphanage, and partly due to the fact that the hotel we stayed in sounded like airplanes were taking off and landing on the roof...ALL NIGHT LONG!  We had to get up at 4:00 AM to meet our team at the airport.  We had not shared the news of Kervens' situation with anyone yet.  So when we arrived at the airport, I quickly filled them in.  We all cried together.

While on the plane, I remember sitting there crying and asking God why...why all signs, why all the confirmations, why the special connection with this little one in the middle of a third world country?  I was so incredibly confused.  If Kervens really was going to be taken away, most likely never seen or heard from again, then WHY?!

It may very well have been the first time in my life that the GOD I serve allowed certain events that absolutely did not make any sense to me what-so-ever.  I even listened to the master of lies for a brief moment, telling me that I was just a puppet in the hand of God to be yanked around at his discretion.  I was faced with more questions than answers.

I realize now, that is where I belong, in a sea of questions. His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts.  I probably shouldn't understand Him.  I probably should dwell in the "unknown" a-heck-of-a-lot more than I do.

But I do trust Him.  Strangely enough, I do.

I pictured a scene at the orphanage, watching Kervens' dad come and take him away. Picturing them walking down the street...Kervens on his dad's hip...off into the unknown.  Could I stand there and watch that and still be able to say, "I will yet praise you, my Savior and my God?"

It was revealed to me right then that I had secretly written THIS into my agreement with God...

God, you can take me on this journey.

I will follow your lead.

I will be obedient.

I will be courageous.

But don't you DARE break my heart!

February 20th - I was soooo sick!  I have never had a cough like this before.  I had no energy to pour into any children - except Kervens.  I would bring him into the tent and give him some toys to play with so that I could lay down and rest.  I could not believe how much I was coughing.  I allowed the fear to creep up...what if I have to go to the hospital?  What if I get really sick and I am in this crazy country?  What if I need some medicine?  How am I going to do this Lord?

Then, I felt Him reminding me that the children in this orphanage get sick.  And they have no mommy.  No daddy.  To hold them.  And love them.  And tell them it is going to be ok.

I realized that I, too, could make it through whatever sickness comes my way.

February 21st - My favorite quote from the trip...

My friend, Natalie Jackson, was asking the American missionary who lives at Maison this question, "Is it FAIR to bring one of these children to Lookout Mountain, where we are pretty much all white?"  Angie replied, "THIS (pointing to the different rooms at the orphanage) is not fair.  That is all I know.  THIS is not fair."  What a great response.  Adoption is not for everyone, but we all HAVE to do something about the orphan.  Something.

Some of the toddlers waiting for their afternoon milk.

Introducing...Valerye - 10 years old.  One of my favorite boys at the orphanage.
He is an amazing athlete, an incredible artist, and one of the top students.
Oh, and did I mention he is handsome, too?
Sure would love to see him raised up here in our community! 

March 14th - TWO families that went on this last trip with us to Maison have recently announced they intend to adopt a child!  Glory Be To God!  That means FIVE families that live here in Chattanooga are in the process of adopting from Maison!  Wow!  Oh, and three more families in our community are in the process of adoption as well - one from China, one domestic, and the other from Ethiopia.  Eight total families on the move.  That is absolutely amazing!

March 15th - Tonight, as I was putting Jackson to bed, he asked, "Mom, do you think Kervens will like to hold my hand?  I just hope he lets me hold his hand.  I just love holding little hands... and Brooks NEVER lets me hold his hand!  OH, and I hope he smells good.  Do you think he is going to smell good?"  (Jackson has a "thing" for smells.)

I smiled and replied, "I bet he will LOVE to hold your hand.  And you know what?  He actually smells REALLY good.  Those nannies scrub him up and down twice a day."

"Twice a day!" Jackson cried.  "Oh, I would hate that!  I bet he smells better than me.  (I'm thinking...not hard to accomplish that, son.)  Well, anyway, I think he's gonna love me.  All the black people love me.  Good night mom."

"Good night my humble son."  (snicker)

Kervens getting his first bath of the day.  Jackson would be proud!
 And Lorvens (pronounced "Lovins") is on deck.
And let me tell you, Lorvens can give some serious LOVIN'!

Kervens watching the ladies wash clothes.