I.B.E.S.R.

Those five simple letters have been looming now for 5 months.  Yes, five months ago we thought our dossier (our huge packet of adoption paperwork) would be entering IBESR.  For those that don't know, IBESR is truly the beginning of the Haitian process.  Your documents go in there to get approval.  Which, prior to the earthquake, this was the place that was known for holding up an adoption, with no mercy.  Dossiers would sit in there, get lost in there, for years.  LITERALLY.

But supposedly, since the earthquake, IBESR has gotten a bit more efficient.  And documents are actually getting approved and sent on within months.  It is a complete unknown how long it will take our dossier to get out of there.  Every little step is a celebration.  A roller coaster, really.  You get (very briefly) excited about entering IBESR, then you immediately begin thinking about the long wait ahead.  Who knows when we will come out of IBESR.  But for now, we are just glad to be in there.

Once we come out of IBESR, then we will have many more processes to go through in the Haitian courts. Many more months of stamping and legalizing documents, but at least the rest of the process is a BIT more predictable.  Still many more months of waiting, though.

My best friend, Shelley, who loves Kervens almost as much as we do, is heading to Maison in four days.  She gets to hold him, kiss him, bring him gifts for Christmas, take pics, shoot some videos, and be our hugging arms.  What a blessing that she is going to love on him.  It helps my heart....a little.

Kervens Update

Here is the latest update on Kervens. We have been waiting for months now for his birthfather to come into the US Embassy and sign some paperwork and answer some questions.  He did not show up for the first meeting, so they had to reschedule.  Well, his appointment was today and he DID show up.  He was late, and the orphanage adoption handler (Angie) was afraid they would not let him in, which would have been disastrous!  However, they did allow him to go in later in the day and get the paperwork signed.  Which is cause for a big celebration!

But... of course there is a BIG B.U.T.

But, as is some rare cases, the Embassy will decide they need more proof that this man is who he says he is...and that he is truly the father of this child he is signing for.  And of course, that would be our case.  RARE indeed.  So, this means his birthfather must come in YET AGAIN for a DNA test.  And unfortunately, DNA tests over in Haiti can be pretty bogus.  Meaning, they can come back false negative many times.  We have no idea what this really means for us and for Kervens.  Obviously, it means more time that he must spend in Haiti...apart from us.

And just when I want to throw my hands up and scream, "Forget it!  I am out Lord!  I can't do this any more!"  I hear the Lord reminding me, "I asked you to fight for this child.  THIS child.  For a reason.  This is all a lot bigger than just Kervens getting to YOUR house.  Do you not trust me to take care of him over there?  I am in control, Carlee.  I AM."

I am trying to trust, but this is so dang hard.  I remember a quote from Mary Beth Chapman's book Choosing To See that said, "He has asked us to do hard."  Well, I can relate to that.  He has asked me to do hard.  (Although I am not saying that my situation is NEARLY as hard as hers - your adopted 6 year old child getting run over and killed by your older son.)

But no doubt, this is H.A.R.D.  We know this boy.  We love this boy.  He knows us.  He lights up with joy around us.  Every day hurts.  Some days more than others.  This happens to be a particularly painful one.

When I think of the MINIMUM of a YEAR timeframe that we have left to get Kervens, I just shake my head in disbelief.  I really don't think I can do this.  But then again, He must think I can.

Celebrating Jackson

Jackson turned 9 yesterday.  We have had a weekend full of celebrations over this boy.  He asked me tonight if I would lay with him.  I thought to myself, "Better take him up on it, you don't know how many more years you will be asked to lay with him until he falls asleep." As he lay there, we reminisced about his weekend of birthday joy...

TWO new pair of shoes (one high top for basketball and one low top for coolness) - his ULTIMATE gifts!  See the rejoicing below:

A slumber party with 7 crazy 9 year old boys - what WERE we thinking?  Actually they were pretty sweet and fun to have around.  Never mind the fact that we heard voices down in the basement where the boys "supposedly" slept at 2 AM and 6:30 AM.  Not much of a window for sleep there.  Oh, and I think little brother Brooks had the best time of anyone.  See below:

Lots of family members came into town at various times during the week to celebrate Jackson.  He is loved!

Then, of course, there was just some good ole' family lovin' goin' on...

As I prayed over him tonight, I thanked the Lord for this young man who ...

has a HUGE heart for Haiti and Kervens

lights up a room with his smile

can't STAND for me to be upset with him

has such an easy manner about him when it comes to apologizing

makes life so fun for his sister and brother

has a tender heart towards Jesus already

is a dang good athlete (if I do say so myself)

wears the funkiest combinations of clothing we have ever seen

loves people and shoes

can make us laugh so hard that we can't stand up

really enjoys being with us as a family still

looks for ways to be a helpful young man




I told him tonight, "I could not have asked for a better first born son.  I am so proud of you Jackson."

To that he replied, "You mean proud of me in my soccer game today?"

I said, "No, proud of you just for being Jackson. I am proud to be your mom."  He simply smiled his sweet smile and fell asleep in 22 seconds FLAT.  (The sub four hours of sleep maybe catching up with him?)

So, to end this blog, I am posting some pictures of our Jackson this year.  Oh, the many faces of Jackson.
We love you so much!

Saying goodbye

The last night is always tough. Natalie (my friend who is adopting Gabby) and I are having to prepare to leave our babies. I try to get in every last morsel of kissing and holding and cuddling with Kervens. Because I know I have to put him back in his toddler room full time. He has not spent much time in there over the past four days, and I know it is always a tough adjustment to go back into orphan life.

And to be honest, the toddler rooms are the hardest for anyone to handle. It is just a survival of the fittest kind of setting. Lots of biting, kicking, hitting, grabbing, pushing (my son being the culprit a lot of times).

This stinks to leave him behind. That is an understatement.

Our Embassy appointment was quite eventful. Nonetheless, we accomplished our task of squeezing that in on this trip. And we are very grateful for Pierre and Angie's willingness to make that happen.

To start things off, we realized (as we were pulling out into the street to head to the embassy) that we forgot to get a passport size photo of Kervens. With all the craziness of the week, that simply got overlooked by all of us. So, Jackson, our driver who speaks no English, pulls back into the orphanage so we can figure out what to do.

Jackson starts calling Pierre and Frankeys but cannot get ahold of anyone. Most likely everyone was catching up on sleep due to the ever so eventful all night prayer vigil. (Which, by the way, we think it stopped around 4-5 in the morning.) So, finally we get Pierre on the phone, and he tells Jackson to take us to some place to get Kervens' photo taken. So, all of the sudden, Kervens is now going with us! This part was really fun! Totally unexpected to be able to take him with us. The nannies went in a flurry to get him all gussied up and ready to go.

So, it is 6:30 on the morning, mind you. We are traveling through downtown Port-au-Prince, and Jackson stops the car. He gets out, takes Kervens from me, and walks off. We are left in the car, with nothing to do but wait...and people-watch all the street vendors around us.

After 15 minutes, Jackson comes back and hands Kervens to me, along with 6 passport photos. Go Jackson!

Then, we head to the Embassy. We are told to wait in a line outside along with 30 other Haitians. I am telling you, it is really weird to be the only white person you see...anywhere. I now understand a bit more of how minorities can feel in the U.S. It is...well, a weird feeling.

After about a 45 minute wait in the hot sun, we get called in. Kervens was amazing during this whole thing. I think he was so mesmerized by all the cars and trucks passing by that he just sat still in my arms.

As we go in, we went through a couple of security check points, then we met with an officer that asked us some questions. We signed a paper and walked out. It was really simple.

However, the birthparents have to come in to the embassy on November 10th for the last of the birthparent interviews. This will be the last time Kervens' birthfather will be needed throughout the adoption process. So, we will definitely need to pray through that one!

Saying goodbye will be hard. But this is the pain we have to endure for now. Kervens is worth it.

Posted by Carlee, using my iPad

Another night in Haiti

If you guys could only see and hear what I am witnessing right now. Because we stay on site here at the orphanage, we have the privilege of listening in on their all night prayer vigil. Which, in the United States would be a quiet affair. Not the case here. I am typing this at 10:35 PM because there is no possible way that we could sleep.

What I hear is severe praying, constant singing, loud pleading, screaming and shaking. And apparently they are speaking in tongues (of course, I would not know the difference since I cannot understand a word of any of it.) They are on their knees pleading with our God. It is really powerful. Very convicting actually. Why, oh why, don't we worship a bit more freely?

As for the events of the day, Eddy and I went to the Haitian courthouse in Croix de Bouquet. We literally walked in, signed our name on a piece of paper, and walked out. There just seems to be so many unnecessary steps to adopting a Haitian child. We are praying for the process to speed up. No unnecessary steps. Get these kids home!

But my day with Kervens was pretty much close to perfect. He was much calmer today. I am learning that certain things get him riled...like people. So, we spent about 4 hours in the tent and he took a great nap, then just chilled with me on the mat. He played with his toys, but mostly he played with the tag inside his shirt. He loves to soothe himself while rubbing the tag inside his shirt. It is really cute.

He is an absolute parrot - repeating everything I say. Everything. I got him saying I love you tonight. I would say to him, "I love you", while I pointed to him. He would repeat and say, "No, I love you", while pointing to me. It was a fun little game.

This is the first trip that I have had communication with him. He did not talk much during the other trips. But he is full of words now. And I am understanding a lot of what he is saying...in creole. Then I teach him the English words and he repeats those.

Oh, this journey. How in the world did we get here? I can't wrap my head around it. But here we are. Loving this boy on this seemingly God-forsaken island. But we know our God has not forsaken this land or these people. We love these people surrounding our boy. They are good. They are loving. They teach me a ton about worship and dependence on God.

And the singing continues...













By the way, this is Kendra (the white girl above). I have grown in my admiration for her this trip. I mean, I knew she was pretty special. But oh my goodness, this lady loves and serves and gives NON STOP! She has the sweetest spirit about her. And she is FUNNY! She cracks me up all the time. When I grow up, I wanna be just like her! =)

Tonight we laughed so hard we could not breathe! You see, during the prayer vigil, we decided to walk together to the potty. And to get to the potty, we had to walk through the group of people praying and singing. Well, right before entering the potty, a lady started screaming and shaking and convulsing due to being in extreme worship mode. And she was right next to us! Kendra's face is what I will NEVER forget. We both freaked out and jumped a mile high. Then we got behind a wall and started laughing uncontrollably. Fun memories.

Posted by Carlee, using my iPad

The Kervinator

OH MY WORD! What a day so far. And it is only 1:15 PM. Time just creeps along here in Haiti. Those of you that have been here understand what I mean. You can think it is lunch time and it is only 9:00 in the morning.

We have good news to share! Kervens' birth mom came in for the social history interview this morning. I got to spend most of the morning with her and Kervens, and it was really fun. A LOT less dramatic and emotional than our first meeting. She is practically a child herself. So timid and shy. So beautiful. I got to ask her all of the questions that have been swirling around in my head.

Because she came in and did the interview, we get to proceed with our Haitian court appointment tomorrow and our U.S. Embassy appointment on Thursday! This is really great news!!!

Ok, so let me just tell you about the Kervinator! He is an absolute WILD MAN!!! Like, seriously, I am in awe of his energy. He has more joy comin' out of his body than any person I have ever seen. He has absolutely come ALIVE this trip. He takes, snatches, runs, laughs, squeals, steals, throws, jumps, climbs, snickers, and laughs some more. All day. I mean, ALL DAY! The boy does not stop. And yet, somewhere in the midst of all of this mischief and joy, there is a really tender heart. Whenever I get on to him, he immediately tries to turn it into a game. And if he can't win me over with his charm and laughter, then he just lays his head on my shoulder and concedes.

I keep saying, "Whoa! This is going to be crazy when he enters the Hilger home. I mean CRAZY!" Like, maybe if I could whisper this I would say, "I am a teensy bit scared."

But I know he was chosen for us. By us. He is ours and there is no going back. I wouldn't want to go back. But let me tell you that there is going to be an entirely new level of sanctification through parenting I am sure. I just THOUGHT parenting was hard. HA! In my mind I keep saying, "You ain't seen nothing yet." I know I will have to rely on the Lord at a deeper level to parent this child. I also know that Kervens Jacques Hilger has more joy oozing out of his pores than any child around. And our Lord can use that kind of joy and energy for His Kingdom. Lookout Mountain, GET READY for the Kervinator!

- Posted by Carlee, using my iPad

We made it!

We made it to Haiti, with only a small delay in Miami. We were bringing thousands of dollars worth of medical supplies this time, so we have been praying that the supplies would make it through customs.

Well, somehow the customs director sniffed out that we had some "goods" in our bags and forced us to open them all up. Thankfully, Sara Risley, now deemed the MVP of our team, speaks fluent French. She bantered with the customs director for a few minutes, and the next thing we know, we are on our way out with all of our supplies - and only $200 poorer.

We saw that as a huge victory since he could have kept them forever, or he could have charged us WAY more than $200.

We were so grateful to the Lord for getting our stuff through.

This place is so foreign to most of us. I mean, you can't just decide to charge someone a ton of money to let their bags pass. Can you? HECK YES you can if you live in Haiti!

As for the fun part of this trip. Our little Kervens is growing up! He has gotten so big! He is so much more mobile and steady, and his motor skills have improved tremendously. He can unzip, unwrap, undo, uncover, and unleash just about anything he gets his hands on. All the team members are learning quickly that you have to put your things away in the tent, or else the "Kervinator" will get into them.

Oh, and he is all about Robbie's fanny pack. I mean, ALL ABOUT IT! Who knew that I should have brought a FANNY PACK that he could carry around like a purse for his number 1 toy? He loves it. Note to self...next time, fanny pack.

But of course he does love the other toys I brought him. He just tries to shove everything into Robbie's fanny pack to take it with him. He likes to keep all of his belongings together. I mean, who wouldn't? If you live with 82 other "siblings" that like to take your things, you probably learn pretty quickly to stash and hoard. =)

It is so good to be here. Eddy said that - out of the blue - as we were getting our stuff settled in the tent. And it is, it is so good to be here.

Thank you to my wonderful parents who make it possible for us to be here by loving on our children at home!

We saw Pierre briefly tonight, but we did not get to talk to him about the birthfather situation concerning Kervens. I am sure we will get the "skinny" on that tomorrow. Everyone is sleeping in the tent, so I am going to bed, too.

I will post some pics tomorrow.

- Posted by Carlee, using my iPad

So We Pray and Pray...

Blogging is one of those funny things... the longer you stay away from it, the easier it gets to stay away from it.  I really can't believe it has been 2 months since I posted anything.  And when I started this whole blog journey, I decided then and there that I would NEVER feel a pressure to blog.  The entire reason we started this blog was to chronicle our journey to little Kervens.  I want him to have this snippet of our lives, and his life (unfortunately lived out in two different countries for the time being), tucked away someday.  I want him to know how excited we were about him, even before we got to hold him every day and every night.

So, here is the most recent news on his adoption.  It's never straightforward, is it?  Basically, the birthmother and birthfather still need to come in for the final social history interview.  We were told that was going to happen two weeks ago on a Saturday.  So, we prayed and prayed.

Birthmother showed up, waited for social worker, left.

Birthfather never showed.

Two days later, scheduled meeting again.  So we prayed and prayed.

Social worker never showed up.

Three days later, scheduled meeting again.  So we prayed and prayed.

Social worker never showed up.

Two days later, interviewed a new social worker to hire.  So we pray and pray....

And here we are.  Just three days from heading down to Maison.   This much we do know.

We will have our Embassy appointment.  We might have our court appointment.  And we will get to hold and tickle and rock and chase and feed and kiss and surprise and dance with and snuggle with our son in Haiti for five days.

Can't wait!

Another Glitch in the adoption...

It has been a while since I blogged.  I guess we have been busy with summer happenings?  I don't know.  I keep telling those that ask about our summer that we have transitioned from being a family with little kids, whose summer creeps by slowly (and often times I would watch the clock and look for something to fill our moments)....to a family with bigger kids who have A LOT going on.  There was NEVER a feeling of boredom (unfortunately).  The kids have practices, friends, swim meets, baseball games, parties, sleep-overs, trips, vacations, agendas...for EVERY day.  I am working hard to bring us back to a sense of normal living around here, now that we are gearing up for our school year.  But it has been difficult to restructure, actually to structure AT ALL, our last few days of summer.

Jackson will start attending classes at our homeschool program, Hilger Higher Learning, this year.  We are excited to see how our program "feels" to the actual homeschool parents.  We have looked at it from a bird's eye view for 13 years now, so it will be fun to experience it first hand this year.

Other than Hilger classes, Jackson and Kenzie (and Brooks) will be at home with me doing traditional homeschool.  Jackson will be spreading his wings of independence in 3rd grade.  Kenzie will be working hard to solidify her reading skills and doing a mix of 1st and 2nd grade work.  And Brooks is already on his way to brilliance. =) The other day, as he was sitting on the couch reading a book, I asked him to hop in the car for us to leave.  He replied, "I can't mommy.  I am memrizin' my culus (colors).  Bue (blue).  Bwack (black).  Gween (green)."  My eyebrows raised.  Aaahhh!  At least ONE of my children will sit down with a book without being forced to!

So, on to adoption news.  Sigh.  We found out that Kervens' birthfather has to come in, yet again, and take part in a social history interview.  Because he is on the birth certificate, he will have to come to Port-au-Prince and do this interview.  Getting him to come in from a couple of hours away is quite a task.  The orphanage has not succeeded in bringing him in yet.  So, our paperwork has stalled out.  We were hoping our paperwork would enter IBESR in July.  And it cannot enter IBESR until this interview is done.  So, we wait.  And we pray.

We are hearing that some adoptions are getting through the Haiti side of things in about 13 months - barring any complications (like ours).  So, it is certainly not looking good for Kervens coming home this Christmas.  My goodness, so maybe we are hoping for NEXT Christmas?  UUGH!  Good thing I get to see him in October!

This is such a helpless feeling.

But I KNOW the truth.  My God is in control.

Fun With the Cousins!

The Skura family (Eddy's sister) came to visit from Wheaton this past week. We don't get to see them very often, but when we do, we make the most of our time. The kids play so well together, and the adults actually got to have some true conversations this time! It was so nice!  Here are some pictures of our time together...

Since we only get together once or twice a year, we do one big birthday party for everyone at the same time.

The girls got matching dresses from their MiMi.

Karin, Jackson, and Kenzie tried rock climbing at Coolidge Park. 

Jackson striking a pose coming off our red-neck slip and slide.  Bought a tarp from the hardware store and put a little soap on it to "slick it up".  Oh, but did I mention that it completely killed our grass?  Oops. 

Linea taking her turn at the slip and slide ramp.

Brooks gets the prize for the biggest "AIR"!

No, maybe Jackson got the biggest air.  

Kenzie on her beloved horse, Silhouette.

She is learning to trot and steer at the same time.  

Look at that posture! Her trainer, Lane, would be so proud.  

This girl is happiest on a horse.

Every time we get together with the cousins, I love doing a photo shoot for them.  Some of these turned out great!

Handsome little Daniel.

This little guy has so much personality!

Brooks and Daniel hugging.

Beautiful Linea.

Karin came out and got in on the photo shoot.  Lovely girl!

Too bad Jackson was at baseball practice.  But a great shot of the five.

Brooks taught himself how to do a front flip. Scared me to death!

What a great time we had!  Thanks for the memories, Skuras!  We love you all!